When first we met I had not the words. I don’t mean I didn’t have the vocabulary, mine was extensive enough. I knew the definition of all the words and the spelling as well, but I had them not.
When first we met I had not the courage. The fear of rejection kept me from pursuing that which truly challenged. Instead I settled for that which was less hard.
When we first met I had not the wisdom. I had not learned that having was not always as pleasing as wanting and that being able to do a thing doesn’t mean one should.
I wasn’t a man when we first met. Fully developed perhaps but not having yet unlearned the destructive traits ingrained by society and peer pressure. I was far too concerned about the perception of others instead of knowing and following my own mind.
When we met I only thought I knew the Lord. I attended church, could quote scripture, knew the parables and sang the songs. I didn’t yet have a true relationship with God and make Him a part of each day.
When we first met I wanted you. That never changed I want you still but if I had obtained then what I sought, I might have too easily disregarded its value in thinking the goal already achieved.
Each time we met as the years went by, I still wanted you but instead came to greater appreciate the value of your company, the pleasure of your laugh and the worth of your friendship. We talked so freely about anything, years and distance did nothing to wither the bond that I know exists between us. By then I knew the words but because of other commitments it would have been inappropriate to speak them.
Now I am free to speak the words and hopefully you are free to consider them. I was wrong about knowing the definitions of all the words because some of them have much different meanings to me than when we met in our teens. Love is not only about strong feelings but also about commitment. Passion is still valued but is no more highly regarded than contentment and peace. Forever perhaps technically means the same thing now but then it may have had some flexibility whereas now it means until the end of time.
When I see you next, I will share with you the words. I’ll summon the courage and hopefully demonstrate the wisdom that I have accrued over time. I’ll tell you of my relationship with God and pray that you will join me on a journey, including Him in all that we do. I’ll share with you what I have learned and unlearned and how much I value friendship, monogamy, mutual respect, partnership and common experiences. I’ll let you into places where others have not been and ask you for the same. I know so much more now than when we first met, one of the most important being to recognize and know with certainty that you are the one I wish to share my life with. I realize that one of the hardest things for you to do is put your complete faith and trust in another yet I ask you to do just that.
Take my hand,
Share my future,
Love me always as I shall always love you!
- An excerpt from an upcoming novel, “Strong Beginnings.” Which came first, the book or the poem?