Trump Doesn’t Care About Puerto Ricans (Let Them Eat Cake)

Four days after Hurricane Katrina devastated New Orleans, Kanye West uttered the words, “George Bush doesn’t care about black people” on national television. Bush later referred to that moment as, “the low point of my Presidency.” That says a lot given that 9/11 also happened on his watch. It should be noted that years later Kanye later apologized to Bush. In the heat of the moment in times of great frustration, things get said. To some West’s words will always be the truth, to others, he did a great disservice to “W.”

If one believes actions speak louder than words. Ten days after Hurricane Maria devastated Puerto Rico. Donald Trump has had plenty of words. He’s often claimed the Federal response to the double impact of Hurricane’s Maria and Irma as “unprecedented.” It may be the truest statement of all he has made.

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By all accounts, the Federal Government did a good job (along with State and local governments from around the nation) of getting supplies and responders to Puerto Rico. Huge Containers remain stacked on ships at the dock, not unloaded because there are few drivers for trucks to disperse them. Responders huddle in the air-conditioned Convention Center, having meetings or waiting for assignments. Most of the Hospitals are still without power. Nursing homes are unable to feed their patients. The death toll rises each day. While  Trump brags of his excellent response. That the government response would be insufficient was predictable. FEMA and every other Department are woefully understaffed because Trump hasn’t bothered to fill positions or when he has, often with unqualified campaign cronies.

That the government response would be insufficient was predictable. FEMA and every other Department from the State Department to Housing ad Urban Development are woefully understaffed because Trump hasn’t bothered to fill positions. When he has, often with unqualified campaign cronies.

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Initially, the Governor of Puerto Rico and the Mayor of San Juan praised the government response. The Governor, in particular, was effusive but included reservations that more was needed. The Mayor, Carmen Yulin Cruz, also lauded the initial effort. But as time passed and water and food were not being delivered, she began to speak out. After days of not being heard, she issued a statement literally begging for help while Trump officials talked of their efforts as a “feel good story.” The President himself, unable to acknowledge anything other than perfection. Only spoke of how great he was doing, refusing initially to waive shipping restrictions to Puerto Rico as had been done for mainland locations in earlier hurricanes. This would only increase the cost of goods to Puerto Rico, under pressure he ultimately relented. This he admitted was at the behest of his friends in the shipping industry.

The island is almost completely without power which the bureaucracy of the Federal Government fails to recognize. They want requests by E-mail, printed documents and letters, they want Mayors in remote locations where the roads are gone to come in person to request help.

Unable to show empathy for the Mayor who was pleading on behalf of her people. Trump does what only Trump in that situation would do, he attacked the Mayor. In his tweets, he first claimed: “she’s been told by Democrats that you must be nasty to Trump.” Next, he attacked her “poor leadership” and said, “they want everything done for them” adding the Federal workers were doing a “fantastic job.” Mayor Cruz has said literally, “We are dying!” Trump says he’s doing a great job! Trump managed to get his tweets out before his tee time where he’s no doubt “monitoring the situation.”

 

Does Donald Trump care about the American citizens of Puerto Rico?  Trump has demonstrated his disdain for brown and black people in America and around the world. Why would Puerto Rico be any different? Plus they voted for Hillary Clinton.

He’s more concerned about the debt owed to Wall Street Banks than the lives of the people. In many of his tweets, he mentions the debt first and the American citizens as an aside. He’s already talking about how Puerto Rico can “pay back” the cost of relief efforts.

a a a a puero rico debt

The Mayor of San Juan responded to Trump’s tweets by refusing to become distracted and focusing on saving lives. Since Hurricane Maria hit the island, Trump has been much more engaged in attacking black NFL players and their mothers protesting injustice,  advocating fines, firings, and boycotts. He’s been focused on the swampish behavior of his Cabinet, spending millions to private and military planes. He’s been working on his golf game. To the dying Puerto Ricans… he sent some water, too bad if they can’t actually drink it.

a a a a puerto rico mayors

Note: After several days, the US Army has been given control of logistics and we pray things will turn around shortly. A lot of good is being done by FEMA, the Red Cross, and fellow Puerto Ricans serving their neighbors. Good is being done, not nearly enough! Trump sums up the situation in his own words:

“This is an island surrounded by water, big water, ocean water”

 

The History of the US Flag in Black America

1776 flag

1776-1777

Articles of Confederation establishes rights for “free citizens.”

1777-1794

1777-1794

The first Fugitive Slave Act is passed

1795-1818

1795-1818

Slaveowner, Francis Scott Key writes The Star-Spangled Banner. He believed blacks to be “a distinct and inferior race” and “the greatest evil that afflicts a community.” The third verse celebrates the death of slaves.

1818-1819

1818-1819

Slaves complete reconstruction of White House

1819-1820

1819-1820

The House of Representatives agrees to the Talmadge Agreement barring slaves from Missouri, this led to the Missouri Compromise admitting them.

 

1820-1822

1820-1822

The Missouri Compromise allowed Missouri to enter the Union as a Slave state.

1822-1836

1822-1836

At Monticello, VA. 130 former slaves and other possessions of Thomas Jefferson were sold at auction.

1837-1845

1836-1845

In Cincinnati, OH, rioters attack blacks and white abolitionists for fear blacks would take their jobs.

1845-1846

1845-1846

Texas enters the Union as a slave state

1846-1847

1846-1847

Missouri allows Interstate trading of black people

1847-1848

1847-1848

The State of Missouri prohibits freed slaves from receiving an education.

1848-1951

1848-1851

Congress passes another Fugitive Slave Act mandating government participation in recapturing escaped slaves.

1851-1858

1851-1858

Under this flag, the Supreme Court overturned the Missouri Compromise and opened up slavery to all the territories.

1858-1859

1858-1859

The Supreme Court in the Dred Scott Case ruled a black man had no rights.

1859-1861

1859-1861

The last slave ship arrives in Mobile Bay, Alabama

1861-1863

1861-1863

New York City draft riots, hundreds of blacks wounded or killed.

1863-1865

1863-1865

Confederate General Nathan Bedford Forrest orders the massacre of mostly Negro Union troops attempting to surrender, (Hands Up). A 25-foot statue, visible from Interstate-65, exists today on private property in Nashville, TN.

1865-1867

1865-1867

The “black codes” are passed in all Southern legislatures in the former Confederate States. Slavery by another name.

1867-1877

1867-1877

Reconstruction ends when the Federal Government withdraws all Federal troops from the South under a compromise over the Presidential election. It Made Southern Legislatures White Again.

1877-1890

1877-1890

Jim Crow becomes the law of the land in the South

 

1890-1891

1890-1891

Eighty-five black Americans were known to have been lynched in 1890

1891-1896

1891-1896

The Supreme Court legalizes “Separate but Equal” giving rise to Jim Crow

1896-1908

1896-1908

Eight blacks were killed by whites in Wilmington, NC

1908-1912

1908-1912

Major cities implement legalized segregation specifying black and white neighborhoods. These include Baltimore, Dallas, Greensboro, Louisville, Richmond, Roanoke, and St. Louis.

 

1921 US Flag

1912-1959

Oklahoma National Guard troops bombed Black Wall Street in Tulsa, OK

1959-1960

1959-1960

Three days before his trial, Mack Charles Parker is beaten to death in his jail cell for allegedly raping a white woman.

1960-Present

1960-Present

Donald Trump is elected President and appoints Jeff Sessions as Attorney General.

White House Throws Manafort Under The Bus! Who’s Going Down With Him?

The White House and friends are officially throwing Paul Manafort under the bus in hopes that we’ll forget about all the rest that colluded with Russia and committed untold financial crimes.

Corey Lewandowski, a former Trump Campaign Manager, said this, “I think if anybody, and I’ve said this, if Paul Manafort, Roger Stone, or Rick Gates or Carter Page, or anybody else attempted to influence the outcome of the U.S. election through any means that’s inappropriate – through collusion, coordination or cooperation – I hope they go to jail for the rest of their lives.”

a a a a a paul manafort

Vice-President Mike Pence said of the man perhaps most responsible for his selection, “We’re just going to let this process go forward.”

Many White House insiders are privately conceding the mountain of known evidence against Manafort is insurmountable and have chosen to disown him, suggesting there’s no way out for him.

The problem for the White House is, Manafort was not an island and often acted with Donald Trump, Jr. and Jared Kushner in his Russian dealings and we have no idea at what level the President himself was involved? With Manafort facing indictment (as has been reported widely by multiple news outlets), the question is, who will go down with him?

a a a a a paul mannafroo

Without knowing the man and looking at his proclivity for fancy suits and fine dining. I have no sense at all he’ll do well in jail. I have little doubt that if he has bigger fish to offer up, he’ll do so in a heartbeat. Racing to beat disgraced General Mike Flynn to the witness stand to tell all he knows.

White House insiders are even willing to accept there may have been some degree of collusion with Russia, pointing at Manafort while ignoring the elephants in the room including Donald Trump’s son and son-in-law. The question no longer seems to be “if” someone is going down. But who and how many?

Invisible Once Again

In 1952, Ralph Ellison published the acclaimed novel, “Invisible Man.” It delved into the issues facing African-Americans of the time, especially Black identity and his disillusionment with Political Parties in general and Socialism in particular. It focused on the “social invisibility” of the Black man. Looked at without being seen.

Invisible Again

Photo: buzzfeed.com

The 1950’s was not a unique time in American history in that the Black man was always invisible in terms of rights, self-determination and even viability without some form of interdependence in the greater white society. The Black man in America was regulated first by the slave codes, then Jim Crow, and even now in a general sense by all the ways he is still rendered invisible by those who classify him in a manner so that doesn’t count.

There was a moment in time in America when a Black man wasn’t invisible. The eight years that Barack Obama was President of the United States of America brought a visibility to that Black man that in some ways tore apart this country. It wasn’t his words or deeds, he behaved much in the manner of many American Presidents, doing so with exceeding grace. It was his existence that divided the nation as his omnipresence on the American landscape was more than some could endure.

Every attempt was made to send him back to invisibility, whether it be questioning his birth and eligibility to be President, or obstructing everything he did and denying him a legacy. The election of the current President can be traced to the desire of many to obliterate the memory of Obama and make him invisible again.

Once Trump became President, he set out to destroy every accomplishment of the previous Administration. While failing to accomplish anything legislatively. He’s used Executive Power and agency rule changes to bring back mass incarceration, suppress votes and turn the Federal Government’s back on oppressive police tactics. His perfect world brings back “Stop & Frisk” and would have a policeman on every inner-city block using unrestrained force in a world where only Blue Lives Matter. The Black man would be rendered not quite invisible, but labeled in a manner easily discounted. Thug, animal, criminal…one whose mere presence elicits fear which allows he be shot dead with no recourse while strangely reaching into an empty waistband or sometimes with hands up.

Invisible Again

Photo: twitter.com

White America offers limited visibility to those who excel at sports, entertain, or publicly toe the line. Until such time as they forget their role and their status is revoked. Athletes are revered until they develop a social conscience and then must be taken down. They can represent the best of Blackness unless of course, they get too Black. Entertainers can sing about making it rain in the strip club without fear of backlash but there’s a short leash if they try to exercise political power. Clarence Thomas is a silent overseer, Ben Carson is #Sad. Both perform their respective tasks on cue and go back to the lives compliance affords them.

There is a need to label Black organizations and make them dismissible, and therefore invisible. They fear Black Lives Matter and its potential for upsetting the apple cart. They call them racist and violent and want them seen as a hate group. They fail to recognize that Black Lives Matter, IS the non-violent response. These are the voices they wish silenced while First Amendment Rights for Neo-Nazis and White Supremacists are validated. The President is a White Supremacist, surrounded by the same, like Jemele Hill, I won’t take back saying so.

The Black woman uniquely suffers from invisibility. Attempts at solidarity with her allies in the fight for Women’s Rights often find them tossed aside as the goal nears. She watches her one-time sisters reap the benefits while she gets table scraps. The Women’s Suffrage movement needed Ida B Wells on their side, when it came time for her allies to support her causes, the call went unanswered. Another uneasy alliance is with Black men. Lacking control in most aspects of their own lives, Black men sometimes seek to control that which they could, their women.

In the Age of Trump, racism isn’t really racism as long as it’s justified. Black on Black crime, a high illegitimate birth rate, saggy pants… these and more are the excuses they give to not be concerned with wrongful police shootings, voter suppression and the racist occupants in the White House. I’m engaging in a long-running, wide-ranging conversation online with several that have tried to render me invisible. Their anonymity gives them strength as they attempt to dismiss what I say by discounting the messenger. Amazingly, a turn came when they discovered how much we have in common. We’ve read the same books, and have some similar interests. They tell me of the struggles of their people and for a moment see similarities. Yet when the topic switches back to race I’ll once again be a “self-pitying victim” dwelling on something relegated to the past. I’ll be invisible once again.

We must recognize that making Black people invisible is a strategy, a means to an end. One that ultimately requires our participation to be successful. Invisibility can be defeated by shining a light on it. Ellison said in his novel, “the truth is the light, and light is the truth,” Don’t allow your message to be discounted but insist the actual merits be discussed. Support the organizations that work on your behalf with your time, energy and money. Continue to fight injustice even when the Government temporarily turns its back for that too will change. There is an arc that bends toward justice and making yourself visible despite all the attempts to ignore you will bring that day sooner!

Featured Photo: playbuzz.com

 

I’m With Jemele Hill… And I Hope Trump Sues Her!

On September, 11th, Jemele Hill an ESPN Host, created quite an uproar with a series of tweets about President Trump. She wrote:

The height of white privilege is being able to ✌🏾ignore✌🏾his white supremacy, because it’s of no threat to you. Well, it’s a threat to me.

Trump is the most ignorant, offensive president of my lifetime. His rise is a direct result of white supremacy. Period.

Right about then all Hell broke loose. First White House Spokesperson Sarah Huckabee Sanders, speaking from the podium, called for ESPN to fire Jemele Hill. Later the President himself weighed in by attacking ESPN and calling for an apology.
a a a a a jemmm
 I sincerely hope that if Trump is so offended by Jemele Hill’s comments, that he sues her for slander in a court of law. My lawyer friends tell me that an absolute defense to a slander charge is if your statements are true. That Trump is a White Supremacists can be documented many times over by his own remarks, tweets, and actions. His comments about “the blacks”, “the Muslims”, “the Indians””, “the Jews”, Chinese, Koreans, and more make him impossible to defend on that count. Fellow White Supremacists know he’s got nothing but love for him and see the wink on the times he’s been literally forced to say something bad about them.
Has he “largely surrounded himself with White Supremacists.” Let’s see” Bannon, Gorka, Miller, easily come to mind. His sons, Mike Flynn and Mike Flynn, Jr have retweeted Neo-Nazi memes on multiple occasions. Sessions. Case closed on that one.
Is he actually “the most offensive President” of her lifetime, whose rise is “a direct result of White Supremacy.” There’s little justification that he has any other qualification that made him President beside his naked appeal to whiteness and not being Barack Obama.
Besides losing “bigly” (my spell-check refuses to acknowledge bigly as a word) on the merits of the case. It would give Jemele Hill’s attorneys a chance to depose Trump and force him to answer under oath for every word and deed that demonstrated his views which in his rallies he made every attempt to make clear.
a a a a ajemele
For the record. Jemele Hill didn’t retract any of her statements but did regret her employer being caught up in it. ESPN issued a statement indicating her tweets were against company policy and had been handled internally. Jemele appeared on air for her next scheduled show.

Is It Climate Change Yet? (A Pictorial Essay Of Two Weeks In 2017)

a a a a irmaa

Damage from Hurricane Irma, the most powerful Atlantic Storm in recorded history

a a a a bad weather

Just another day in the life

a a a a harvey

One of the thousands of Hurricane Harvey rescues.

a a a a harveya

Hurricane Harvey from above, to date 66 fatalities known.

a a a a harveyy

Rockport, TX will be without power for weeks.

a a a a harveyyy

The alligator lives here, you’re the one visiting!

a a a a irma

Early highlights of Hurricane Irma

a a a a irmaaa

The water section of most every store in the Southeast

a a a a irmaio

Out of gas…

a a a a mexico

The result of a Mexican earthquake (and yes earthquakes can result from climate change).

 

a a a a mexicooq

Mexico cleans up.

All of these images are from the past two weeks, Hurricane Harvey was projected to be the most costly ever, until Irma. Hurricanes Jose and Katia are out in the Atlantic and headed this way. Is it climate change yet?

 

 

The Victimization of White Trump Voters

Among Trump voters, the group most discriminated against in America is… white people. Followed by Muslims, Blacks, Jewish people and Latinos. They’re convinced that it’s white people who bear the burden of racial discrimination and they’re becoming increasingly tired of their “endless persecution.”

a a a a victim

I converse often with several members of the “oppressed group” in the comments section of a blog I follow. Ostensibly about Constitutional Law and Politics, it seems the comments on every topic, quickly devolve into supporting everything Trump while blaming black people, Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, and liberals in general for the woes of the world.

While their statements are relatively fact-free. The sentiments behind them are very real. They appear to view life as a zero-sum game in which every gain by any ethnic group, takes away from white people what is rightfully theirs. They can’t abide Affirmative Action because a 15% or so guarantee of minority participation would only leave 85% for them. They disavow the notion of voter suppression, shouting “Voter ID, Voter ID” and ignoring all the laws that accompany those requiring a photo ID whose sole purpose is to suppress votes. The Klan and Neo-Nazis “while deplorable” are the victims and it’s their First Amendment Rights that must be supported. The real bad guys are Antifa, and worst of all that “violent, racist, Black Lives Matter.”

a a a a victimss

Rather than the caricature of the Trump voter as being dumb rednecks. Many of these people are intelligent and employed as teachers, lawyers, and business professionals, they have above average incomes, they’re also usually anonymous.

I proposed to them that anyone can be racist but that discrimination requires power and the ability to keep someone else down. I asked for anyone to provide an example of a time where they had been discriminated against? I generally got crickets but there were a couple willing souls who volunteered examples.

One recalled, “Some of my students accused me of being a racist!” I asked how was that discrimination? The teacher reluctantly agreed that even if the charge was false it wouldn’t be discrimination.

Another was certain there were jobs he didn’t get because of his, race, age, and gender. I asked, “How can you be certain it was discrimination?” No reply.

Ta-Nehisi Coates just published a piece in The The First White President which I encourage everyone to read. It’s long and requires readers full attention and a couple of re-reads. “Whiteness” is in a death spiral and demographics is going to overcome every advantage they’ve historically had. The reaction of many is to maintain power by any means fair and unfair. That means gerrymandering, voter suppression, redistricting, mass incarceration and basically resegregation of schools under this Department of Education.

Police Commissioner Racist Remark

Some of the people I “chat” with, resort to calling me racist for pointing out that which they deny. I have a “victim mentality” for acknowledging and documenting what they cannot accept as true. For if they accepted the reality of racism in America, they’d have to admit they were complicit.

I engage in these conversations because it amuses me. I also learn what their thinking is, how they explain away the obvious. It also explains how the most privileged group in the world, perceives of themselves as victims. That and having a right-wing media including Fox News, Breitbart, and InfoWars, saying exactly that every day. It’s sad to know what they’ve allowed themselves to believe. It’s why they support the policies they do, why we have a Trump, and why they stand by him. The inevitability of them being the minority so frightens them, in their mind that makes them victims.

The Dreamers (DACA Recipients): Shadow Warriors

When “Shadow Warriors” was conceived. It was intended to shine a light on those who are doing good works that are not yet recognized by greater society. The name is more appropriate for this month’s recipients, who have figuratively and sometimes literally lived in the shadows as they fought to remain in the country they know as home. The “Dreamers,” undocumented immigrants who came to the United States as children are September’s selection for Shadow Warriors. 787,580 young people have been approved since the program started. Donald Trump and many in his party would send them back to lands they barely know.

Trump Immigration

Photo: washingtontimes.com

To have qualified for the DACA Program, begun by President Barack Obama in 2012 because Congress refused once again to enact comprehensive immigration reform. Applicants had to have come to the US before age 16 and lived here since June 15, 2007. Despite the claims of Jeff Sessions that the program created a “mad rush” to our borders. Only children already here for 5-years were eligible. No one over the age of thirty when the Department of Homeland Security enacted the policy in 2012, was eligible.

a a a a dreamerr

Photo: looper.com

The program is perceived as one benefitting those from Mexico and Central America. Indeed, most of the applicants came from Mexico, Guatemala, and El Salvador. But Korea comes next and not far behind China, India, and the Philippines. To qualify you either had to be a student, have graduated, obtained a certificate of completion from a high school or gotten a G.E.D. Also accepted were honorably discharged veterans of the Coast Guard or US Armed Forces. They could not have been convicted of a felony, a significant misdemeanor, or three misdemeanors of any kind. They could not otherwise pose a threat to “National Security or Public Safety.” If they were convicted of a felony they were sent back, gang activity got them sent back. They underwent extensive background checks and if they submitted fraudulent applications… sent back.

a a a a dreamerz

Photo: vox.com

The Dreamers have done well in our high schools, colleges, and universities. Because of the program, they were able to get drivers licenses and better jobs. They contributed more in Social Security Taxes than they withdrew. They pay taxes. Our economy is better off with their presence yet some politicians insist that they go.

a a a a dreammer

Photo: youtube.com

Daisy Romero was 9-years-old when she came to America with her parents. She registered for DACA on October 15, 2012. She filled out extensive forms with information about herself and her parents. Her father lost his job in Mexico when the plant where he was a supervisor closed. He stayed in America to provide a better life for his family.

Daisy went to college, ironically, at Donald Trump’s alma mater, the University of Pennsylvania. The school is one of a few dozen “sanctuary schools,” a status that has come under fire from those who would see that practice end. DACA did not grant her a pathway to citizenship, it allowed her to live without constant fear of deportation. Those fears have returned. The government has all her information because in holding up her end of the bargain. They always know where to find her. The government’s promises to her are being broken.

a a a a dreamerdaisy

Photo: ewa.org

Juan Escalante has a blog where he talks about the life of an undocumented immigrant. In,  An Open Letter To Trump About DACA, From A Dreamer, Juan talks about coming to the States from Venezuela in 2000, escaping the Duarte regime Donald Trump just sanctioned because of the conditions there. Juan is a graduate of Florida State University and a fierce advocate for the undocumented. He fights for DACA students living in a state to be able to pay In-State tuition rates like their neighbors. He wants the dreamers to be able to “work and study” without being targets for deportation.

a a a a dreamersjuan

Photo: fsunews.com

The dreamers believe in the concept of what America stands for, more than many Americans. Many have American citizen younger brothers and sisters. They’ve overcome obstacle after obstacle and through perseverance, they will beat the rescinding of DACA as well. They will succeed because of their own battles and because they have allies. 76% of Americans think they should be allowed to stay and 58% believe they should have a path to citizenship. Protests were seen instantly around the nation including Trump Tower and Jared & Ivanka’s home. While there is a faint hope that Congress will act within the six-months provided by Trump and the Courts may step in. The Dreamers will find a way, for they are Warriors.

a a a a dreamerrzz

Photo: aclu.org

Featured Photo: Reuters.tv

Each month, Enigma In Black will feature a new Shadow Warrior. We highlight people and organizations doing great work that have yet to receive national recognition. Don’t miss any by following this page.

Please share so that we can bring these Warriors out of the shadows! I’d love to hear your suggestions for future Warriors which you can leave in the comments section.

Past Warriors:

Zain Jacobs

George Cooper

Aramis Ayala

Dr. Crystal A. deGregory

Kelly Hurst

The Wilson Academy

Sevgi Fernandez

What Do You Want From Me?


When I last wrote about Honest Conversations, I didn’t get far into the questions one should ask if you want to get to the heart of the matter. One of those questions is, “What do you want from me?” While everyone may have an answer prepared for, “What do you want?” or “What are you looking for?” It’s not nearly the same as, “What do you want from me?”

The first two questions are general and require little in response. I’m looking for a soul mate, someone to hold hands with on long walks, someone to share my life with, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. The more specific, “What do you want from me?” is the beginning of a discussion that will shape or at least inform your relationship, possibly end it.

It’s not necessarily a first date question because odds are you don’t really know each other yet. The best answer you could hope for is, “I don’t know yet! I’m getting to know you and I have hopes that you will be what I’m looking for. Maybe even what I didn’t know I was looking for until I discovered you.” If you get a specific response as to what they want, know you will be shoehorned into a fixed set of expectations which you may not be able to meet.

“What do you want from me?”, will let you know whether your prospective partner has been paying any attention. Have they allowed for your strengths and weaknesses? Are they looking for someone to be like their mother or father or the one that got away? Try repeating back what they say, e.g. “You want me to stay at home and cook 6 days a week? Do you know me?” The question is designed to be the beginning of a discussion, not designed to head one off. Perhaps you give some notice that you intend to ask that question? It’s probably not one to ask during a heated discussion.

The primary thing this discussion requires is honesty, from both sides. People will surprise you with their capacity to accept things when given the chance to make that decision for themselves. If you want to date others while looking for “the one.” more people than you imagine might accept that for a time. If you’re looking for a friend with benefits, that may work too but one or the other may eventually want more. Others will dump you on the spot but wouldn’t that be better than leading someone on and giving false hope?

In the not too distant past. Someone I started dating around December, told me in January that she needed a decision by Valentine’s Day if I planned to marry her. We’ll give her credit for directness and honesty but to my mind, it was way too soon. She didn’t have to wait until Valentine’s Day to get my response. Yes, the relationship ended but was that really a bad thing after all? Neither of us is wasting time or blocking the others blessings. Damn, that was quick though! I did learn what she wanted although I’m not certain it mattered whether it was me that provided it.

It is not at all unreasonable to establish early on what your standards are and what constitutes deal breakers. But when it’s time to have “the talk” about where the relationship is going. Don’t forget to ask, “What do you want from me?”

Coming September 7th, New Shadow Warriors

Each month, Enigma In Black will feature a new Shadow Warrior. We highlight people and organizations doing great work that have yet to receive national recognition. Don’t miss any by following this page.

Please share so that we can bring these Warriors out of the shadows! I’d love to hear your suggestions for future Warriors which you can leave in the comments section.

Past Warriors:

Zain Jacobs

George Cooper

Aramis Ayala

Dr. Crystal A. deGregory

Kelly Hurst

The Wilson Academy

Sevgi Fernandez

Featured Photo: patch.com

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