Wanting To Do Better To Please Someone Else Is Not Selling Out, It’s Just Motivation!

Photo: gettyimages.com

Coming into 2018, many people are coming up with their New Year’s Resolutions, some appearing on their list for several years in a row. Whether it be to quit smoking, go on that diet, or start hitting the gym. They may be things that have no downside, they give you more energy, improve your health. Maybe it’s the year you go back to school or find that better job. You’ve wanted to do it but for whatever reason, you never find the motivation.

Then you meet him or her, someone that either consciously or unconsciously makes you want to do better. Therein lies the rub. You see some people have issues about doing a thing that makes them better, to please another person.

“I ain’t putting myself out there to please some man.”

“I shouldn’t have to buy someone’s love.”

“They’ll have to accept me for who I am.”

“I’ll look like a punk if I do that for a woman.”

Lest we forget, you wouldn’t be doing it for them, it would be for you. They were simply the motivation.

Photo: getty images.com

I think the thing we fear the most is rejection. If we do that thing, whatever it is and it doesn’t result in what you might have hoped for. Your efforts will have been for naught. It is my observation (generalization alert) that women are more likely to object to doing something to please a man in advance, while men are more likely to complain after the fact. Unfortunately, basic man think is that there should be a return on an investment whether it be dinner, a movie, flowers, or the sacrifice of a bad habit. They “can’t believe” that their efforts went unappreciated. Women are more often concerned about getting used, you see they expect a return on their investment as well.

I submit that men and women alike are looking at it all wrong. True enlightenment lies in receiving joy from the act of giving, doing, sharing, solely for the purpose of pleasing another. The benefits don’t go only to the receiving party. The giver is rewarded as well. Often the unintended consequences is that the mere act of a gesture with no reward intended, the effort without expectations… will be rewarded a hundred times over precisely because nothing was required in return.

So if the thought crosses your mind to cook a meal, wash a car, bring flowers, or take a class. Don’t consider it in terms of, what will I get in return? Think of it in terms of, how much happiness can I bring? The return will be greater than you imagined, the benefits unceasing.

Donald Trump: He’s Not Crazy He’s Just A Little Unwell

If unwell meant the same thing as totally insane then the title might be true. My question is, how sane are the people who continually praise Trump despite his being totally distanced from reality? While he holds the most important job in the world.

I’d make the point by point case that Donald Trump is at best deranged. But by now everyone already realizes it and we need to move right ahead to solutions. Unfortunately, there are enough appeasers, enablers, and those complicit who have reasons of their own for propping up Trump while hanging onto his coattails.

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Mike Pence ought to be in the position to know best, but spends all his time praising Trump in hopes of inheriting the office. Perhaps Paul Ryan hopes Pence gets indicted as well and the Presidency will fall to him because of the line of succession? Mitch McConnell has taken enough Russian money on his own to want to shut down any investigations. Devin Nunes in the House has already sabotaged his own committee’s investigation (while recused) and had formed a Republican hit squad to go after the FBI. They all do their part in supporting an insane President because when the House of Cards falls, they’re all going down.

And what about your neighbors, the 53% of white women that voted for Trump (68% of them in Alabama voted for Roy Moore). Should the movement be renamed to #ImWithHerExceptForThem? Each of them has over a dozen accusers, calling them out for sexual harassment, sexual assault, in some cases pedophilia and in one case rape of a 13-year-old (that would be the one serving as President).

What about the Evangelical Christians who now praise perhaps the most immoral man to ever hold any office. He can’t pronounce the books of the bible let alone understand what’s in them. He’s saying some of the things you like (while doing many you don’t) yet you willingly walk two paces behind. Knowing he’ll sell you out for thirty pieces of silver in a heartbeat.

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Even if he weren’t crazy he’s certainly stupid. Among the things he’s not familiar with is the Constitution, Civil Rights, a map of the world, spelling, truthfulness, and common courtesy. The only thing he knows for sure is that if President Obama was for it he’s against it.

So, to all the people that started out as earnest Trump supporters for whatever reason. Maybe you liked his Supreme Court list (provided by the Heritage Foundation)? Maybe you are just as xenophobic and anti-immigrant as Trump and Jeff Sessions? Maybe you’re a misogynist as well and like the way he works it? Maybe you hated Hillary with all your heart and thought anyone else would be better? Maybe you really wanted to see what bust would look like or thought you really had nothing to lose?

It’s time to put aside all your petty selfish reasons and think of the good of the nation. None of those reasons is more important than the fact he’s batshit crazy and has the ability to take us to war at any minute. We’re already on the brink of war with North Korea because of his idiotic tweets. He wants to undo the Iran Nuclear Deal, Russia is upset they aren’t getting the return on their investment, on odd numbered days he’s going after China. He’s threatened Venezuela and insulted France, Germany, Australia, Mexico, and the United Kingdom. People are literally afraid of what might happen if Barack and Michelle are invited to the Royal Wedding while he’s not. And he may have already started a new Mideast War by announcing the move of the U.S. Embassy to Jerusalem. This is not a stable man.

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If by chance he’s able to forestall the Mueller investigation past the 2018 Midterm Elections. It’s the responsibility of We the People to replace the House Members and those Senators up for re-election that would stand in the way of his Impeachment. The time has come because we all know he’s more than a little unwell. Donald Trump is flat out crazy.

In Search Of The Elusive Black Conservatives

I have been trying for almost five years to have a serious conversation with some black conservatives. I get that it’s possible to be supportive of what used to be considered conservative fiscal policies before Trump came along. I can see that some people could favor small government and have strong views on abortion. What I could never understand is how black conservatives could either actively support voter suppression measures or at best turn a blind eye? I’d like to have a real discussion, not simply repeating talking points but one where both parties tried to understand the other.Maybe each learning something from the other side. My problem was, I didn’t know where to find these black conservatives. I wasn’t really sure they existed.

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I had hopes of finding and talking to black conservatives when I ran across Project 21, they bill themselves as, “the leading voice for black conservatives.” At the time, they had representatives on various Fox News shows, in particular, “Hannity.” They seemed like just the sort of people I wanted to talk to. I went to their website, there were several articles there posted by these black conservatives.It took me a while to realize they never engaged with any of the commenters. On their website, I discovered their relationship with a right-wing think tank, (not black conservatives) and I questioned their independence.

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I wrote a Review which to their credit has never been taken down where I asked where the black conservatives were? I never got a response from any black conservatives although many of the white people that frequently visit the site were quick to point out how black the site was. I give you now that review which over four years later has basically gone unanswered. I’m also providing some of my responses to the well-intentioned folk sticking up for the black conservatives that must have been busy. I’ve included some comments from Lauri Peterson Lombardi who was unfortunately not a black conservative but was representative of the people I could find. I also quoted Timothy A Hallock and some of his remarks. For the record, I did edit some of their comments but only for spelling and grammar as I wanted their ideas to be heard and not to get lost for their misuse of the English language.

 

“November 27, 2013

I have serious questions about Project 21 and this site. You promote yourselves as the “leading voice for Black conservatives” yet the majority of posts are shared links from conservative blogs whose authors are definitely not Black Conservatives. I have the impression (please correct me if I’m wrong) that Project 21 was founded by a predominantly white right-wing group who still maintains a relationship if not control. I also want more than the constant negativity without balance and sometimes without truth in the commentary.

I can see the value in an organization and site where conservative ideas are expressed and those of like mind in the Black community can meet and share ideas. I’m not sure that I see that here. I also would like to hear what Project 21 thinks about the coordinated effort to suppress votes across the country in order to affect election results. If you deny it exists that will speak volumes if it’s acceptable because the goal outweighs the means that will say a lot also. If you find it offensive but don’t speak out I’d love to know why?”

William Spivey Jerry Dey, I would join in but Lauri Peterson Lombardi lost me at things affecting all parties equally. That and the high levels of fraud she can’t document. Perhaps she would understand the difference between waiting 30 minutes in line to vote vs. 6-10 hours in some locations but I doubt it. Her news is limited to the bubble surrounding her world and simple tools like Google are wasted on her. Happy 2015 and for your own sanity don’t even bring up Gerrymandering.

Lauri Peterson Lombardi Why do you liberals hover over conservative pages looking to pick fights with conservatives? Man–i wouldn’t go on liberal pages–it would just stress me out. Why don’t you guys just go home and stop stirring the shit pot?

William Spivey I came to this site looking for the leading black conservatives purported to be here but I never found any??? You might note this review is pretty old as I stooped coming because there were no black voices to be heard. Only the propaganda put out by the white founders of Project 21. Go ahead and call the main number and see who answers? I came here with a genuine interest as to the black conservative point of view which seems to be against self-interest. I never found even one to talk to so I left.

Lauri Peterson Lombardi let me get this straight–you are a liberal looking for a conservative who is against self-interest? You will never find one. Black, or otherwise. Self-interest is what motivates people to better themselves. It doesn’t mean that one does not care about other people. That is a big misconception.

William Spivey Then you’ll recognize this site was created in the self-interest of someone other than the missing black conservatives. Do you actually know people not intent on bettering their lives?

William Spivey BTW Lauri… how did you like “Selma”?

Lauri Peterson Lombardi how did you like American Sniper?

William Spivey I liked it as entertainment bit also recognize the inaccurate portrayal of the man. I have generally liked Clint Eastwood’s movies although he should leave his chair at home. FYI, I asked a couple white conservatives I know in real life if they’d seen Selma? They weren’t aware of the movie’s existence and didn’t know what happened in Selma or what Bloody Sunday was.

Lauri Peterson Lombardi i know about Selma–never heard of Bloody Sunday. I’m not really a movie person. I haven’t seen any new films.

William Spivey No offensive Lauri but if you don’t know about Bloody Sunday you don’t know about Selma.

Lauri Peterson Lombardi why would I be offended? And is that a character flaw that i don’t know about these movies? Don’t you think its high time we moved on?

William Spivey Bloody Sunday isn’t a movie… it’s the reason the Civil Rights Act got passed because Alabama state troopers were seen on national TV beating non-violent marchers who wanted the right to vote

Lauri Peterson Lombardi i didn’t know

William Spivey They also released dogs on children. You want me to move on from a history you aren’t aware of while the same goals (voter suppression) are still being pursued with different tactics.

William Spivey Got something else for you to look up (also not a movie), “Black Wall Street”.

Note: “Black Wall Street” is in development as a movie and is tentatively scheduled for release in 2019,

Lauri Peterson Lombardi look–I don’t feel guilty for things I had nothing to do with. And I don’t believe that there is voter suppression. If there were, Obama wouldn’t have won twice. And what about the black panthers threatening voters? Is that not suppression? Deal with racism on an individual basis, as you encounter it. There will always be racism because there will always be stupid people–black and white. There’s not much you can do about them unless they are breaking laws. Bottom line–do you really expect me to feel guilty about something I had nothing to do with? Do I owe you something?

William Spivey Lauri… nobody is asking you to feel guilty about anything. I would hope you would attempt to understand American history and how it is being repeated under a different guise. The point you think you’re making about the New Black Panther party happened at a 95% black precinct in Philadelphia where the most they did was open doors for elderly people. Compare that to True The Vote which actively challenges peoples right to vote and is permitted in some areas to stand directly behind them.

Timothy A Hallock I guess blacks aren’t allowed to be conservative. Shame so many racists.

William Spivey @Timothy, maybe you’re purposely missing the point. I’d love to converse with black conservatives. But this site is apparently not the place to find them because there are none here.

Timothy A Hallock It’s ok to talk to white conservatives. Shouldn’t matter.

William Spivey If the group purports itself to be the “leading voice of blàck conservatives” it kinda does matter.

The conversation went downhill from there, I never did find any black conservatives to talk to. I’m still looking if any of you know where I can find some. Please let me know.

 

 

Cornel West, Tavis Smiley, And Other Haters In The Barrel

Like the crabs in a barrel that allowed none to escape by clawing at each other and bringing each other down. There is a group of intellectuals, real and otherwise whose existence seems based on attacks on others, some they once purported to admire.

Some of them like Cornel West, have legitimately carved out a place in history for themselves, contributing greatly to the understanding we have on matters of systemic racism and African-American culture. In 1992, Dr. West wrote what some refer to as the bible in terms of discussions on race, “Race Matters.” Later, in 1996, when he still played well with others, he co-authored a book with fellow Harvard professor Dr. Henry Louis Gates Jr, “The Future of Race.”

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Twenty years ago, West was in his prime. Some feel he may have coasted since then, living off his once deserved reputation and the title Gates once gave him, “the pre-eminent African American intellectual of our generation.” It’s apparently a title West is not willing to concede to any other, without attempting to drag them down and deny their accomplishments. There is only room for one on his pedestal.

Cornel West, along with sidekick Tavis Smiley. Spent eight years on their Attack Barack Obama Tour. Spurred on by the failure of Obama to obtain Inauguration tickets for West’s mother and brother (West himself got a ticket). West accused his “brother” Barack of betrayal, saying he had, “no sense of gratitude, no sense of loyalty, no sense of even courtesy, sense of decency, just to say thank you.” He asked, “Is this the kind of manipulative, Machiavellian orientation we ought to get used to?”

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Tavis Smiley, at that time a PBS radio host, said Obama was the first President during his professional career not to invite him to the White House. He didn’t appear on Smiley’s radio or television programs and felt dismissed and disrespected. Smiley and West went on a 15-city tour based on the perceived failings of Barack Obama. They were regulars on Fox News where their hatred found a welcome host. Smiley refused to accept Michelle Obama as a guest at a symposium he sponsored because the President declined while campaigning for re-election elsewhere. Smiley has problems of his own now, having lost his PBS job after multiple accusations of sexual harassment. Smiley has made the rounds of TV shows to proclaim his innocence, that is a subject for another time.

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I do not make the case that there are no legitimate criticisms of the Presidency of Barack Obama. There are many things I would have had him do differently, yet I can simultaneously recognize his many accomplishments. We never realized how many until Donald Trump made it his mission to try taking them away. What I fault is that these two men literally made their living for a period of years based on the criticism and deconstruction of another black man. They attempted to tarnish his legacy and blame him for not eradicating the nation’s ills, while the stood by sniping.

Unfortunately, West and Smiley are not alone. There are a group of haters out there who seem to have met no living black persons worthy of their respect. They’re good with Malcolm, Martin sometimes and recognize a few others whom they credit for having contributed to the cause. They are the sole arbiters of who has put in sufficient amounts of the kind of work they find admirable before they died of course which no longer made them competition.

Since President Obama completed his two terms, West perhaps became tired of writing articles about Barack’s tarnished legacy and moved on to attacking Ta-Nehisi Coates whose books, essays and articles have gained him recognition as one of America’s premier thinkers on matters of race. It is a title West may have thought was stepping on the one he was given over twenty years ago. West was facing degrees of backlash for his Obama persecution and was now losing his place in academia. Ta-Nehisi Coates once looked up to West who influenced many of his own ideas about race. Rather than engage in a Nicki Minaj/Remy Ma like beef in public. Coates shut down his Twitter account with over a million followers, writing, “Peace, Y’all, I’m out.” We all lose a little when the supposed best of us try to bring down the rest to support their own egos or bank accounts.

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Let us not forget we’re all in this barrel together. More akin to fish in a barrel as Trump, Sessions, et al., are eradicating our rights, sometimes literally shooting at us and they attack those who would give it a name. If you are supporting bloggers, authors, speakers and others whose body of work is a compilation of diss tracks. Please consider giving your support elsewhere. Peace, Y’all, I’m out!

 

What The Bible Says About Donald Trump

 “But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy,”

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without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God”

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 “having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people.”

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“6 They are the kind who worm their way into homes and gain control over gullible women, who are loaded down with sins and are swayed by all kinds of evil desires, always learning but never able to come to a knowledge of the truth.”

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“8 Just as Jannes and Jambres opposed Moses, so also these teachers oppose the truth. They are men of depraved minds, who, as far as the faith is concerned, are rejected.But they will not get very far because, as in the case of those men, their folly will be clear to everyone.”

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2nd Timothy: Chapter 3

The Dreamers Deferred!

On September 5, 2017, Jeff Sessions announced that the Trump administration would be ending DACA, the Obama-era program that allowed undocumented immigrants that were brought to this country as children to remain under certain conditions. The “Dreamers” as they were known, had to identify themselves to the government, reach or be progressing toward certain education levels, not be convicted of any felony and be under certain age requirements.

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Once Trump got considerable negative feedback, he delayed the implementation of his order for six-months, giving the Republican Congress the opportunity to enact provisions to protect the Dreamers. The need to approve a budget and not shut down the government was perhaps the best chance for Democrats to get Republicans to agree to new provisions. Nancy Pelosi last week said, “We’re not going home without a deal.” It now seems they will be going home with nothing, afraid they’ll be blamed if the government shut down because they took a stand. We’ve seen it too many times before that Democrats were more worried about some future election than a clear and present danger.

In addition to protesting Republican legislators over the passage of the horrendous Tax Bill benefiting almost exclusively the wealthy, including special perks designed to enrich certain individual Senators (e.g. Bob Corker). It seems we need to remind our Democrat friends what it is they stand for.

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Time is running out on the Dreamers. The fictional Blanche DuBois depended on the kindness of strangers in, “A Streetcar Named Desire.” The Dreamers might fare better with strangers than the Democrats who seem to shrink whenever truly needed. The next 90 days will show what Democrat politicians are made of? Watching!

The Dreamers: Shadow Warriors

How Did We Lose Each Other’s Sound?

Photo: Belief.net

“How did we ever lose communication?
How did we ever lose each other’s sound?
Baby, if you wanna, we can fix the situation
Maybe we can stop the rain from coming down”

Prince — “In this bed I scream”

If ever I need inspiration to write, Prince can generally provide it. I was putting together a list of songs for another purpose and stumbled across these lyrics. I gave pause to consider relationships that went wrong, perhaps with no crucial reason. The parties reached an outcome that perhaps neither wanted, yet they find the relationship over with closure nonexistent. Time goes by, heads have cooled, the question is, “Can you go back again?”

Maybe it was circumstances, distance, inability to communicate, finances. The first question is, is anything different now than before? If the same thing that broke you up in the first place is still staring you in the face. How can you reasonably expect a different outcome? Have obstacles been removed or (much harder to determine) have the individuals matured. Maybe you see a high school sweetheart at a reunion and are able to successfully rekindle a romance. But that would be two people who have grown through experiences and are now totally different people with some common experiences. If each is able to take the time to honestly assess who the other is now and not see them as they once were, they might have a shot.

What about exes, spouses and otherwise. If you had a long-term relationship as adults. Is your history a plus or a minus? If there was infidelity, why would you expect things would be different a second time around? What about other kinds of abuse? Is the devil you know truly better than the one you don’t?

I’m constantly pushed by those following my writing to open up more about my personal experiences and share my story. After my first wife and I split up after almost twenty years, there was a moment when dropping off children where I suggested we might start dating again. She asked, “Why?” and the answer wasn’t. “I love you so much I can’t live without you and I want you back.” The suggestion was spurred by a loneliness that would soon pass. Neither of us spoke of it again although I suspect it might have generated a bit of conversation between her and her girlfriends. It would have been a reconciliation for a lot of the wrong reasons and would likely have ended with another crash and burn.

Are there past relationships that might be reconsidered? Unless you were one of the two women I married, there are fond memories somewhere that might prove kindling for a fire. There are relationships that never quite got off the ground and one could wonder, “what if?” Then there were those relationships for which there was no solid foundation then and none now.

Thomas Wolfe wrote a novel, “You Can’t Go Home Again.” He wrote, “Make your mistakes, take your chances, look silly, but keep on going. Don’t freeze up.” Sometimes looking back is freezing up, doing what might seem easier, rather than moving forward and reaching for new stars. Then again, if your previous relationship was characterized by honesty, communication, and something more than lust. If you can honestly say that what once stood between you has been or could be resolved. It might prove that there is enough of a foundation upon which one can build? We each have to follow our own hearts and mind, just make sure your eyes are wide open.