Dear God…
I wish I’d thought to write to you previously, it only seems natural to wish to organize my thoughts in conversation with you. You already know my heart but perhaps by writing and clarifying my thoughts I can learn a bit more about my own.
First, let me thank you for carrying and keeping me in spite of all that I have done and the times I neglected our relationship. In the worst of times and circumstances, you always came through and let me know that you weren’t finished with me yet. You have given me signs and wonders, you literally saved my life on more than one occasion but I came at some points to take your favor for granted for which I am sorry. You’ve shown me that despite whatever skills I might possess (gifts granted by you) that I cannot make it on my own and that it is only by your grace that I can reach the heights you have planned for me.
I want to acknowledge that I am a sinner and that pride has often been my downfall. I have cared too much about the perception of others and wanted them to think highly of me instead of trusting them to accept me for who I am. In my arrogance, I believed that things I accomplished were due to me and not because of you. I have failed in two marriages because you were not a partner and I recognize now that not coming to you in prayer and conversation was to fail to utilize the greatest resource available.
I wish to forgive those who I feel/felt have wronged me. Not that they are without fault, I now recognize that they are no more guilty than I of acting in the flesh rather than the spirit and that only thru You and trusting in Your divine guidance can true happiness be attained.
I believe you have promised me a fantastic chance to serve your purpose while here on earth. It is my faith in this promise that has carried me during some bad times because I know what you have in store for me. I recognize that this blessing is not the culmination but the beginning of my service to you and I will do my best to carry out your plan as I understand it. Your servant has told me to plan for this blessing and I continue to do so with every waking day. I ask you to help me focus on your will and not stray too far afield with my own desires, recognizing that they may not always be the same thing.
I believe myself to be ready, I thank you for all you have brought me thru which has added humility to the gifts I possess and a bit better understanding of the human condition and what I might be able to do to help others… on your behalf.
The planning is not over, and I will try to remember to pray on each step along the way to both seek your favor and stay on the path you have for me. I feel a lifting in my spirit just from having written these words which are achieving the desired result while barely touching on the subject that was vexing me. Nice talking to you God, I’ll stay in touch!
ENIGMA IN BLACK 