Coming into 2018, many people are coming up with their New Year’s Resolutions, some appearing on their list for several years in a row. Whether it be to quit smoking, go on that diet, or start hitting the gym. They may be things that have no downside, they give you more energy, improve your health. Maybe it’s the year you go back to school or find that better job. You’ve wanted to do it but for whatever reason, you never find the motivation.
Then you meet him or her, someone that either consciously or unconsciously makes you want to do better. Therein lies the rub. You see some people have issues about doing a thing that makes them better, to please another person.
“I ain’t putting myself out there to please some man.”
“I shouldn’t have to buy someone’s love.”
“They’ll have to accept me for who I am.”
“I’ll look like a punk if I do that for a woman.”
Lest we forget, you wouldn’t be doing it for them, it would be for you. They were simply the motivation.
I think the thing we fear the most is rejection. If we do that thing, whatever it is and it doesn’t result in what you might have hoped for. Your efforts will have been for naught. It is my observation (generalization alert) that women are more likely to object to doing something to please a man in advance, while men are more likely to complain after the fact. Unfortunately, basic man think is that there should be a return on an investment whether it be dinner, a movie, flowers, or the sacrifice of a bad habit. They “can’t believe” that their efforts went unappreciated. Women are more often concerned about getting used, you see they expect a return on their investment as well.
I submit that men and women alike are looking at it all wrong. True enlightenment lies in receiving joy from the act of giving, doing, sharing, solely for the purpose of pleasing another. The benefits don’t go only to the receiving party. The giver is rewarded as well. Often the unintended consequences is that the mere act of a gesture with no reward intended, the effort without expectations… will be rewarded a hundred times over precisely because nothing was required in return.
So if the thought crosses your mind to cook a meal, wash a car, bring flowers, or take a class. Don’t consider it in terms of, what will I get in return? Think of it in terms of, how much happiness can I bring? The return will be greater than you imagined, the benefits unceasing.