Y’all need to get organized! America is tired of not being able to get through a single day without new stories about who Trump fired, what he tweeted or what new policy he appropriated by watching Fox News. We are beyond our capacity to process all this information in an orderly fashion so we’re are going to insist you stick to a schedule!
You can get together and agree on a weekly day and time to release all breaking news, and the public can have the rest of the week to live their lives without fear that when they go to work, go to bed, or even take a short nap, that Trump won’t have started a Trade War, had a new affair or threatened Russia, North Korea, or even Venezuela with Nuclear War.
Anxiety levels across the nation will go down, the economy will keep growing as people go back to taking their vacations, play more golf, eat out in restaurants and making big-ticket purchases with less fear that the world will end before they get to enjoy these activities. Bars, on the other hand, might see a drop in income as people find less of a need to drown their sorrows.
Might I suggest Friday nights at 9:00 PM as a good time. People can choose to watch or not and take the whole weekend to either absorb whatever chaos has come our way or ignore it altogether. If the breaking news had to be condensed, you could cut out all the panels, discussion, and speculation and just give us the facts. You could cut your payrolls by not having to hire all the strategic experts to explain to us what you just said and what it might mean.
Exceptions to this rule can be actual indictments, guilty pleas and compromising pictures of Donald Trump, Ivanka, or Melania. If it’s just Donald Jr, Eric, or any of the Cabinet members, it can wait until Friday. If wars could only be declared on Friday nights, each week we could sigh with relief and know there’s at least one more week before Trump puts our military in harm’s way.
I think what set off this rant was the breaking news that a Trump Tower doorman was paid $30,000 not to talk about an alleged relationship between Trump and his housekeeper… that produced a child. As salacious as that may be, it could have waited until Friday.