Mark Judge and Brett Kavanaugh meet in a bar.


Mark Judge said, “Glad you could make it Brett, I hoped we could get together and have a chat after everything that’s happened.”

Brett Kavanaugh said, “I don’t think there’s much to say. Who’d have thought everything we did in high school would come back to haunt us?”

“I just wanted to be sure we were cool Brett? We’ve been best friends for almost 40 years.”

“Yeah, there were a couple times back in September I wish I’d never heard of you.”

“You’re blaming me? You seemed pretty appreciative back in the day to be my friend. I got you your first piece of ass and you were giggling about it for the next three days. It wasn’t me that told you to whip out your dick and slap someone in the face with it while at Yale? Or press up on someone outside a DC bar in your thirties.”

“It all seemed pretty funny at the time.”

“I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am you didn’t make it on the Court. How’s your wife dealing with it?”

“Ashley’s pissed, embarrassed to be around her friends. There’s a move to have me impeached from the Federal bench but it doesn’t seem to be going anywhere. She hasn’t mentioned divorce, mentioned going back to Texas once. We aren’t really talking that much.”

“Me and my significant other are taking a break, at least you had people vouching for your character. I was made out to be Marquis de Sade.”

“I’m sorry for what happened to you as well, when the press gets you in their sights, they can find out everything in your whole life!”

“What are you drinking Brett, your usual?”

“I’ll pass, I promised Ashley no drinking, in fact, I need to be getting home, I don’t want her to worry.”

“That’s a first, no drinks for Kavanaugh? Hey! Check out the brunette at the end of the bar, she’s pretty hot.”

“Sorry Mark, with my luck she’ll be a reporter. In fact, let’s not meet in public anymore? We’re still buds and all but until things cool down, I don’t need more publicity.”

“Sure Brett, I understand, we did have some good times though didn’t we?”

“Damn straight we did, do you remember the time we got that girl drunk at Henry’s party and…”