I’ve met several mature Black women who’ve more or less given up on finding love. It’s not that they don’t want it. They’re just making no effort to find it, possibly blocking every glimmer of hope that comes along. Their history typically contains stories of being deceived, having to carry too much of the load, pain and unhappiness. They don’t reject the concept of love, which to some also means marriage. They just don’t want to be let down again, experiencing what they possibly define as failure. Some are hoping that Black Knight (or possibly another hue) will find them and break through the barriers they’ve erected but taking no proactive steps of their own. Better not to try at all!
There is no one-fits-all solution that works for everyone. Some of these women are content in their lives which may revolve around their children and their careers. They find happiness where they can, having relationships on their terms if at hall.
While thinking on this. I realized that many men find themselves in the very same situation. They settle for shallow small-risk relationships or maybe none because failing is just as real for them. In a conversation with a family member, she compared me favorably to her brothers because, “at least you’re still dating.”
The evolution of a meaningful relationship is just as full of pot holes for men as for women. Perhaps compounded by the fact that women willing to enter into a less than a committed relationship are not hard to find.
I found myself speaking to a younger male about relationships and said, “When I was growing up you were considered a punk if you turned down a woman offering herself under almost any circumstances. What you’ll realize at some point, hopefully sooner than later, is that with each interaction comes expectations. If all you want is momentary pleasure, the karma you’re sewing into the universe will only come back to haunt you.” I actually used much more common language so he’d get the point but I’m using literary license so not to tarnish my image.
The same is true for grown ass men. Enter relationships with a level of seriousness or not at all. It’s acceptable to be hopeful as you get to know someone. But recognize if you’re on or off the right track. Men should reexamine their goals as well. If all you’re looking for is easy access, don’t be disappointed in what you get. Think about what it is you’re looking for and what you’re unwilling to accept, long before you’re sitting across from a date having dinner or buying someone a drink. Once you know what you’re willing to say no to. Then you can consider what will make you say yes.
Relationships don’t have to be as hard as we make them. Honesty and open communication go a long way towards finding that person you’re willing not to just settle for, but settle down with. To those who considered quitting the race, I encourage you to give it another try, or as many as necessary because it can be done! When you find that person you want to talk to about everything. You’re on the way!
Featured Photo: spacuracao.com